I'm reading the NIV chronological bible. We have been reading in Esther for a few days now, but today I looked back at the beginning of it once more. I noticed something this time that I have never noticed before in reading through the book of Esther. I always knew that she was raised by her cousin, Mordecai. I have never noticed though that she was adopted by him. It says in Esther 2:7 that when her father and mother died, Mordecai took her as his own daughter. How cool is that!? She was adopted. And because of Mordecai's selflessness and his willingness to take her as his own, her life was used mightily. Where might she have ended up had she not been adopted by Mordecai? Where might an entire people group (the Jews) be had he not been willing to take Esther as his own? Adoption is a theme that is found throughout the Bible and I will not look at the book of Esther in the same way again.


Read at your own Risk

Once again it has been a while since I've blogged. And it seems that I only blog when tragedy happens, so for that, I'm sorry. Yesterday was pretty tragic for our family, and only someone with a pet that you love and that loves you back will understand our heartache. Mayer was just fine yesterday morning. He was just fine yesterday at lunchtime when we left our house. When we returned just a few hours later, he was not fine. We could tell he was still breathing and his heart was still beating, but he was not responsive. Being Labor Day, we couldn't find a vet open anywhere... but we found an Animal Hospital open in Horn Lake. Sadly, he didn't make it even to Hernando. He died with Chloe petting him and assuring him that everything is ok. We turned around at Hernando and came back home to bury him next to Jasmine under the trees behind our house. So just short of his 7th birthday, Mayer died. He would have turned 7 on September 11th. A little background on Mayer... First, you must know that he is the second edition to Chloe's pet miniature daschunds. The first edition was Oscar. He had a birth defect and died at just 14 weeks old. She was devastated then as well. She was three years old and Jay decided to go out and get her another mini daschund. He found the biggest and healthiest pup he could and that is how Mayer came to be part of the Adkins family. He was a terrific dog! Barked like a watch dog, loved Chloe like a good friend. Only listened, never talked back. :) He will definitely not be able to be replaced!! We will miss him. And, as a mom, my heart hurt just to see my daughter so crushed! So, we're not sure what happened or why he died so early in his life... We just know that he had a good life here, he was loved, and he loved us back.

On another note, Saturday was 2 years since we met Kira, and Sunday was her 3rd birthday. Many emotions came with that for me. Mainly grief. I was not expecting to feel that sadness all over again. The way she left was very traumatic... I imagine much like a death. I haven't seen her since the day she left. It's hard to remind myself in times like this that "This is just what we do." That's the saying Jay and I have to remind us that we know it is going to be hard, but we are parents when these kids need them and we are not doing this for us, but to be a light in the darkness... hope to the hopeless... and friends to the fatherless.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

One last thing... Ana has been here full time for 5 months now. Only one more month before we can get the ball rolling on the adoption!


Life Now

Since I last posted, life has DRASTICALLY changed for the Adkins family. For the moment, we have no foster children. Last Thursday, life changed for us very abruptly and unexpectedly. We were given an hour and a half notice to pack Kira's things and get her ready for them to come get her. In one phone conversation, my life changed. I no longer live the way I did prior to February 25th. Therapy for Kira 2 times a week is a thing of the past. Naptime is no longer a necessity. Tantrums are history, unless I'm throwing one... Two year old mischief is not found here... Leaving the house happens much faster... I don't have to pack a diaper bag... Trips to Walmart no longer require me to stop in the baby department... No one intentionally throws cereal, chips, french fries, etc. in the van just because... When I buy a bottle of shampoo, there is no one to use the entire bottle on one baby doll, in the toilet, no less... My time out corner is not being used... There is no curly hair here... No diapers to change... No one that takes her diaper off and runs through the house naked... No one that is sassy and prissy ALL the time. No one calling me GiGi.... And, needless to say, I have had a very hard time with this.

We have seen 4 other foster children come and go. We have even seen Kira go once before, only to return again a month later. But, this time was different. We had her for 18 months and we treated her as our very own. For the last year, we have been doing therapy for several sensory issues we had noticed. We also changed her diet because of some food allergies that we noticed. I advocated for her as a mother would for her very own child. Not to mention, the potential for us to adopt her was always there because we didn't know if her mother was going to pull it together to get her back. Jay and I have looked at each other when all the other children were reunited with their families and said to one another, "This is just what we do... We foster." But this time, we haven't said that. Although this was fostering, it was just different. I can't explain it, and I can't make it make sense.. It was just different. We weren't given time to prepare ourselves for her to leave, we weren't given time to have closure on this part of our lives. We were given an hour and a half. In that time, we packed, prayed, cried, and hugged. We made phone calls, trying to prolong the inevitable, and we cried some more. I say all of this to say... I am working through this one, it's just going to take some time. I slept through the night for the first time last night without replaying the "leaving scene" in my dreams. My prayer has been that I would trust the Lord even though I see no good in this and even though I have no idea what the future holds for us or for Kira. Please pray for Kira, and for her mother, Dianah. Pray that Dianah would come to salvation in Jesus. Pray that Kira would grow up remembering the truths of the Bible she learned here. Also, pray for the Adkins. We are still adjusting and healing, trusting that His grace is sufficient and that when I am weak, then He is strong.