3.04.2010

Life Now

Since I last posted, life has DRASTICALLY changed for the Adkins family. For the moment, we have no foster children. Last Thursday, life changed for us very abruptly and unexpectedly. We were given an hour and a half notice to pack Kira's things and get her ready for them to come get her. In one phone conversation, my life changed. I no longer live the way I did prior to February 25th. Therapy for Kira 2 times a week is a thing of the past. Naptime is no longer a necessity. Tantrums are history, unless I'm throwing one... Two year old mischief is not found here... Leaving the house happens much faster... I don't have to pack a diaper bag... Trips to Walmart no longer require me to stop in the baby department... No one intentionally throws cereal, chips, french fries, etc. in the van just because... When I buy a bottle of shampoo, there is no one to use the entire bottle on one baby doll, in the toilet, no less... My time out corner is not being used... There is no curly hair here... No diapers to change... No one that takes her diaper off and runs through the house naked... No one that is sassy and prissy ALL the time. No one calling me GiGi.... And, needless to say, I have had a very hard time with this.

We have seen 4 other foster children come and go. We have even seen Kira go once before, only to return again a month later. But, this time was different. We had her for 18 months and we treated her as our very own. For the last year, we have been doing therapy for several sensory issues we had noticed. We also changed her diet because of some food allergies that we noticed. I advocated for her as a mother would for her very own child. Not to mention, the potential for us to adopt her was always there because we didn't know if her mother was going to pull it together to get her back. Jay and I have looked at each other when all the other children were reunited with their families and said to one another, "This is just what we do... We foster." But this time, we haven't said that. Although this was fostering, it was just different. I can't explain it, and I can't make it make sense.. It was just different. We weren't given time to prepare ourselves for her to leave, we weren't given time to have closure on this part of our lives. We were given an hour and a half. In that time, we packed, prayed, cried, and hugged. We made phone calls, trying to prolong the inevitable, and we cried some more. I say all of this to say... I am working through this one, it's just going to take some time. I slept through the night for the first time last night without replaying the "leaving scene" in my dreams. My prayer has been that I would trust the Lord even though I see no good in this and even though I have no idea what the future holds for us or for Kira. Please pray for Kira, and for her mother, Dianah. Pray that Dianah would come to salvation in Jesus. Pray that Kira would grow up remembering the truths of the Bible she learned here. Also, pray for the Adkins. We are still adjusting and healing, trusting that His grace is sufficient and that when I am weak, then He is strong.