This post is more for me to look back at on another hard day...

I still have days when I grieve the loss of Kira, much like a death.  She was taken suddenly, only an hour and a half's notice.  She cried and pleaded as they took her away, and I'm sure I will never get over those scenes in my heart and mind.  Yesterday was one of those days that I carried the burden heavily.  But, praise the Lord, yesterday was also one of those days that God used His Word to bring comfort to me.  Jay has been preaching through Luke on Wednesday nights.  Last night he was in Luke 6 verses 20-26, the beatitudes.  Verse 22 says blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.  I have been hurt so badly by my circumstances that I forgot the true character of God.  He didn't promise a life here without pain, but he promises laughter in the future, in eternity.  

Psalm 126:5-6  Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!  He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

What a blessing!!  No doubt as a parent, I sow in tears...  I long for my children (all 10 of them) to hunger and thirst for righteousness.  I long for them to come to know Jesus as their Savior and Lord.  I have definitely weeped, boy have I ever...  And now I am awaiting the "shouts of joy".  

Galatians 6:9 says "And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Then...  today...  a friend posted on facebook a portion of her devotion from this morning.  It said this:  "Sometimes when our dreams of motherhood are shattered, we have to let them die and allow God to birth other dreams in our lives.  He is saying to us, 'When you are letting go, remember that I am planting seeds of new life in you.  Your grief is only for a season.  My end is not death.  It is always life.  I am the author of life."  
She then emailed the rest of the devotion to me and I want to share one more portion of it...
God has created women with a desire to nurture, but I think it goes much deeper than just having children. Most long to invest their lives in something that matters. Most of the time, that something is other people. The Bible calls that being fruitful. Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit,” (John 15:5). He also tells us that the true sign of a Christian is that he or she will bear fruit (John 15:8).
I'm very thankful today for the goodness of the Lord to me, even when I don't deserve it.  I am thankful that God created women to be weepy and emotional and nurturing and I pray that I will use those aspects to bring glory to my God.  I am thankful that God is the Author of Life.  I am thankful that even on the hard days, God's character doesn't change and his plan can't be shaken.  I'm thankful that we have God's word and that it is sufficient, alive, and powerful.  I'm thankful for weeping and sorrow, because without it, I wouldn't be able to fully appreciate laughter and joy.  I'm thankful for God's timing in all things, because without it, my life would be a train wreck!  


That explains a lot...

I've been thinking lately.  Well, reflecting and thinking.  Reflecting on Adkins life and remembering all 10 of the children that have either been born, adopted or fostered into our home.  Thinking about how different each of them are.  Wondering how the 6 that aren't with us anymore are doing now.  Praying.  Thinking about how difficult it is to be a middle parent to a hurting child...  Counting the blessings of being able to nurture and love 10 kids, for whatever length of time the Lord ordains for us to have them.  And you know what, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!!

So, in all actuality, I am a mother to 10 children, not 3...  Maybe that explains the burden I carry!   Maybe that also explains the joy.  :)

Psalm 127:3  Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord...


"Would you pray for me?"

Nothing blesses my heart more than to hear my children either pray or ask for prayer from me or Jay. In the last few weeks, I have seen this sweet little boy we have taken in conform to our ways. Sometimes that's not such a good thing, but today I was especially blessed by it. At naptime, I was covering him up and as I leaned over to give him a little kiss, he said, "Would you pray for me?" I prayed for the Lord to use this time with us to draw this little one to Himself. When I finished praying, he said "Now I'll pray." As he prayed, I heard him model his words after Will...
 "Thank you for all you do"... "Thank you for my brothers and sisters"... "Thank you for my Nana and Papa"... "Thank you for my Mom and Dad"... "Amen".

I don't know how long we will have him, and it grieves my heart to even think about that, but I do know that what we expose him to for the time he is with us is crucial.  I want to be found faithful as a mother for exposing all of my children to Truth.